Tuesday, September 13, 2005


Heritage Foundation Announces Live Turkey Give Away for Hurricane Survivors.

Mark Tapscott, of the Heritage Foundation, announced yesterday that they are going to help Hurricane victims by releasing 2000 live Turkeys into the city of New Orleans.

“We feel that if you give a man a fish, you feed him for a day, but if you teach a man to fish you feed him for a lifetime,” Tapscott said. “However in this case because Lake Ponchartrain will be polluted for the rest of this century, that wouldn’t be practical in this case.”

Tapscott went further to explain that the Heritage Foundation will release live Turkeys into the city of New Orleans because if someone is lucky enough to find two of the Turkeys, and has the wherewithal and knowhow and ambition to stick it out, they may be able to one day build a Turkey empire in the Opportunity Zone that is post Hurricane New Orleans.

The problems arose this morning when Tapscott, along with fellow Heritage members Les Nessman and Herb Tarlick, decided the best way to release the Turkeys was from a Helicopter 2500 feet over the French quarter.


As the turkeys began dropping like sacks of wet cement onto the concrete, observing reporters exclaimed "Oh the Humanity! Oh the Humanity!" “It was horrible!” one aid worker said as the Heritage Foundation Turkeys began dropping from the sky. “Oh the thuds! And the blood! And the squaking!” said another.

Reached for comment hours after the carnage Tapscott’s only statement was “As God is my witness, I thought Turkeys could fly.”

That's actually funny, Brett. Thanks for the chuckle.
Seriously, I really did think turkeys could fly because I see so many of them taking wing here on the Potomac. Some of them are left-winged and some are right-winged, but their all turkeys.
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