Friday, August 05, 2005
HELP BUSH RE-NAME HIS WAR
As we mentioned yesterday, the Bush administration is abandoning the "War on Terror" moniker. It's not that terrorism has been defeated and all those who hate freedom lie vanquished, just that the "war on terror" has become too loaded with bad connotations (like: we're losing it).
The best new name they've come up with for this odd war is: "a global struggle against violent extremism."
Now, that encapsulates the daunting task, the brave fight for good, and the evil enemy we face--it's just not that catchy. So we asked you, dear readers, to help Uncle Don and Uncle Dick out. Without delay, then, here are some of our favorite new names for the war formerly known as against terrorism:
* A Genocide on Fear
* Renewable Enemy Program
* The Neo-Crusades
* War for a Terrorist-Free Lifestyle
* The War with Radical Reality
* Cowboys & Evil-Doers
* Global Struggle Against Real Baaaaaaaad Vibrations
* Big Dubya's Demolition Derby (Available in Hi-Def to most residents of Iraq)
* The Hunt for the Golden Egg
* All Your Base Are Belong to US!
* Fixing the F*ck Up
* Democracy Inspiring Peace Initiative
* Islamic Bacon
The "War on Terror" is in its last throes. The time has come to set aside partisan politics and support our President. Won't you support President Bush in his global struggle to rename his war?
Editor's Note: I think they should call it HEEP the HALLIBURTON EXXON ENRICHMENT PROGRAM. Or maybe AFHE the AID for FAMILIES of HALLIBURTON EXECUTIVES. Oooh I got it they could call it RAPe! The REPUBLICAN ARMAGEDDON PROJECT!
How about "Fundamentalist Death Match 2005"
Fundie vs. Fundie
Police Operation On Petroleum (POOP)
Vietnam, part Deux
Operation Iraqi Femdom
And in keeping with the Bush Administration's policy of calling every initiative the opposite of what it actually sets out to accomplish:
"The Peace Initiative for Fair Petroleum Policy"