Wednesday, August 31, 2005


Nero Fiddles while New Orleans Burns

As the floodwaters and the death toll rise in New Orleans, America’s Compassionate Conservative Republicans are coming forward in droves to comment on the massive social welfare project now underway in the South. As the U.S. Government gears up for one of the largest disaster relief projects in U.S. history, it’s important to remember how Republicans really feel about this massive give away of government funds.

George W. Bush, fresh back from vacation, must be wondering why he cut the Federal Emergency Management Agency’s budget and ignored all those who claimed that New Orleans would be a disaster if a class 4 hurricane ever actually hit.

The Republican controlled Congress must be wondering why Alabama, Louisiana and Mississippi had to ask for other states to send their national guards to help. (sssh.. the reason is because they have too many troops in Iraq and Afghanistan.)

But the best comments come from those who glorify the Bush Administration. We have unconfirmed anonymous sources who confirm anonymously that this is what some prominent Republicans really think about what’s happening in New Orleans.

“My goal is to cut government in half in twenty-five years, to get it down to the size where we can drown it in the bathtub.” Grover Norquist of Americans for Tax Reform said on the 700 club. “The Federal Government does no good, and private enterprise should be geared up to help those who can afford to pay in New Orleans.”

The Federalist Society came forward with a statement: “Those people in New Orleans need to realize that they shouldn’t expect handouts.”

Ann Coulter added “Get a job.”

The Heritage Foundation claimed credit for Bush’s decision to cut FEMA funding by stating that it came “straight out of the Heritage play book.”

Louis Sheldon and the Traditional Values Coalition applauded the President’s position by stating that only “the elderly, infirm and godless stayed in New Orleans and they paid God’s ultimate price for electing a Democrat Mayor.”

James Dobson founder of Focus on the Family and friend to Republicans who have appointed him to government posts from Reagan to Bush II said “Christians have made arguments on both sides of this question. I certainly believe that God is displeased with America for its pride and arrogance, for killing 40 million unborn babies, for the universality of profanity and for other forms of immorality. However, rather than trying to forge a direct cause-and-effect relationship between the Hurricane and America’s abandonment of biblical principles, which I think is wrong, we need to accept the truth that this nation will suffer in many ways for departing from the principles of righteousness. "The wages of sin is death," as it says in Romans 6, both for individuals and for entire cultures.

“I can say this because I'm not an elected official: the most selfish group in America today is senior citizens down there in New Orleans. They should have known that Hurricane was coming. And now their demands on Washington are: 'Give us more and more and more.' They have become the new welfare state, and given the size and political clout of this constituency, it's very dangerous. One of the biggest myths in politics today is this idea that grandparents care about their grandkids. What they really care about is that that Social Security check and those Medicare payments are made on a timely basis.” – Steve Moore of the Club for Growth.

Rush Limbaugh decided to do a story on the United Nations spending $300 on paperclips rather than address the devastation in New Orleans.

John Gibson "Faux" News Anchor said "I'm really upset about this Hurricane thing. I really wish it had destroyed the French quarter."

Tucker Carlson added "That's what they get in Louisiana for keeping such close ties to the French."

When asked for comment Bill O’Reilly simply stated “Shut Up.”

Brit Hume, another Faux News anchor, said "I mean, my first thought when I heard -- just on a personal basis, when I heard there had been this Hurricane and I saw real estate values on the gulf this morning, which were really in the tank, I thought, Hmmm, time to buy."

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