The Obfuscation Report

Team America: World Police – What a piece of crap.

I watched Team America World Police for the first (and only) time last night. I was expecting more. In the end it was a rah rah piece designed to show how those who are cheering America’s Global War on Terror may go overboard at times, but that’s o.k. because somebody has to do it.

I’ve read reviews about this movie and wondered why no one is specific about their criticism or their praise. The reason is because the central premise is an analogy that is impossible for mainstream press to discuss.

Trey Parker and Matt Stone seem to think the War on Terror (in all its variations) can be easily broken down into three types of people, those who support it, those who oppose it, and those who caused it. Dicks, Pussies and Assholes. Generally, these three can be broken down into Dicks (Conservatives) Pussies (Liberals) and Assholes (Terrorists.)

While Parker and Stone have identified competing ideologies, they fail at being able to understand them. Conservatives they portray as insensitive jackasses who bomb and kill without pity or compassion, which is understandable, and Parker and Stone get that right. But they also portray them as doing it for the right reason. Yes, sometimes they go too far, but they are fighting assholes who’s sole purpose is to “Shit on everything” so Stone and Parker give them a pass and portray them as the Heroes of the film.

Parker and Stone don’t even have the balls to portray any real persons as Dicks. The Dicks in the movie are just guys doing their job and as such there is no reference to Bush, Cheney, Rumsfeld, Rice, Powell, Rove, or any of the architects of America’s World Police ideology. There is no reference to Bill O'Reilly, Joe Scarborough, Rush Limbaugh, Sean Hannity, Ann Coulter, David Horowitz, Pat Robertson, John Gibson, Larry Elder, Jon Silver, P.J. O’Rourke, Ben Stein, Phyllis Schlafly, Alice Cooper, William F. Buckley, Tony Danza, Charlton Heston, Stephen Baldwin, Bo Derek, Dorothy Hamill, Angie Harmon, Ricky Schroeder, Jason Sehorn, Lynn Swann, Travis Tritt, Rip Torn, Pat Boone, Ernest Borgnine, Bobby Bowden, Mike Ditka, Bill Gates, Kelsey Grammer, Chuck Norris, Maury Povich, George Steinbrenner, Ernie Banks, John Elway, Karl Malone, Dennis Miller, Jack Nicklaus, Nolan Ryan, Curt Shilling, Britney Spears, James Woods, Mel Gibson, Ted Nugent, Bruce Willis, or Michelle Malkin. Not one single real person is represented as a Dick.

Not so, for the Pussies. The Pussies are represented by Michael Moore, Alec Baldwin, Samuel L. Jackson, Tim Robbins, Janeane Garofalo, Matt Damon, Helen Hunt, Sean Penn, Tim Robbins, Liv Tyler, and Martin Sheen. If you know anything about America’s War in Iraq in particular, you know that all of these actors and filmmakers have spoken out against the war. Trey Parker and Matt Stone save their most specific venom for them. Rather than portray them as appeasers, a la Neville Chamberlain, Parker and Stone portray them as helping the assholes (Terrorists) and even willing to fight alongside the Terrorists.

Michael Moore, a man who has pushed nothing but non-violence and critical thinking, is portrayed as a suicide bomber who walks into Team America headquarters and blows it up. Tim Robbins and Martin Sheen hold Team America members’ hostage in the Terrorist Stronghold and Torture them. In the end, all the Pussies take up weapons and fight for the Terrorists against Team America. And to the obvious glee of Parker and Stone, they all die horrific deaths, unlike the Terrorists who merely get shot or fall off a balcony onto the spiked helmet of the German Chancellor. Which is funny, but not horrific like when Jeneane Garafolo’s head gets blown off, or Samuel L. Jackson gets ripped apart by panthers, or Tim Robbins slowly burns to death.

It is in their attacks on Liberals where Trey Parker and Matt Stone are at their most hypocritical. Parker and Stone seem to feel that they alone are qualified to do social commentary on war, terrorism and global security in their film. They then use their fame and position to attack actors who speak out and comment (as is their right as American citizens) on issues of war, terrorism and global security. However, Parker and Stone only attack those who speak out against War, and give a pass to all the celebrities and actors who spoke out in support of Bush and the War.

The bottom line I took from this film is that Trey Parker and Matt Stone want Pussies, Liberals represented by famous actors, to shut up. Bill O’Reilly couldn’t have said it better.

Don’t waste your time with this movie…. Dear Trey and Matt: You jackasses owe me $3.99.