Thursday, November 03, 2005



I've recently heard from my anonymous Senior Administration Official, I'll call him Official A, who tells me that the President has been having an affair with an intern. I know that you are all as shocked as I am to hear of this unbelievable offence against the American people from the leader of the free world. I'm even ashamed to admit it on these hallowed pages, but it's true, I swear, because my anonymous Senior Administration Official told me so. I'll go to jail to protect my source, so don't even try to guess who my source is, because my journalistic integrity will prevent me from ever revealing a source, and if that doesn't work I'll argue attorney-client privilege, so don't bother.

The point is that what we really need is Kenneth Starr to investigate this affront to America. He should call President Bush in for depositions and make him answer for his crimes. I want to know the details: Who is this intern? How often does she blow him? Does she wear a thong? Has he ever stuck a cigar up her cunt? I need to know and the American Public needs to know! I demand answers! It's time for a Special Prosecutor! And if Bush doesn't come clean (no pun intended) then we must Impeach! We Must Impeach I Say!

Of course this Special Prosecutor should have an unlimited mandate to investigate, and if he doesn't turn up anything about this intern, maybe he could spend a little time trying to figure out what Bush knew about the smearing of Joe Wilson, or about making the case for War in Iraq based on lies, or Saddam Hussein's WMD, Dick Cheney's Secret Energy Task Force, Stealing the Florida Election in 2000, or Stealing the Ohio Election in 2004, or Abu Ghraib, Guantanamo Bay, Republican Staffers Accessing Democratic Congressional Computer Files, botched 9/11 Terrorism Cases (see Convertino), Jack Abramoff, Bunnatine Greenhouse and Halliburton’s 5 year 7 BILLION no-bid contract, Halliburton’s KBR overcharging the Army 61 Million for Gas, Halliburton’s 1.8 BILLION unaccounted for in Iraq, While Dick Cheney was CEO Halliburton Bribed Nigerian Officials in violation of the U.S. Foreign Corrupt Practices Act, Halliburton’s Dealings with Iran in violation of U.S. Law, Bush Diverting $700 Million from Afghanistan to Iraq in violation of Article I Section 8 of the U.S. Constitution, Iraq’s Coalition Provisional Authority Losing 600 Million while working with Halliburton’s Kellogg Brown and Root, U.S. and British Officials Wiretapping the United Nations, Pundits on the Payroll, Karl Rove Meeting with Companies in which he had a financial interest in 2001 and then Alberto Gonzales covering it up, Scalia’s Conflict of Interest Cases, Bush’s National Guard Service.... I hope you get the point.

Hugs and Kisses,

The Punisher

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