Thursday, February 16, 2006
Right Wing Humor, It's funny when people die.
For example, the Running Joke among conservatives this week is that they would rather go hunting with Dick Cheney, than ride in a car with Ted Kennedy.
I have to admit, I didn’t think it was funny. You see, the joke is a reference to a car accident in which a woman in the car with Ted Kennedy died. And the more I thought about it the more I realized the Republicans think death is funny. It’s funny when people die. There’s the joke.
Once I realized this simple truth it became much easier to understand Republican Humor. For example when Ann Coulter said of Arab Nations, “We should invade their countries, kill their leaders and convert them to Christianity”, I finally understood the joke. You see, killing people is funny. It’s funny when people die.
Coulter also said “We need somebody to put rat poisoning in Justice Stevens' crème brulée." She followed the statement by saying, "That's just a joke, for you in the media." See, it’s just a joke. Funny. I get it now. It’s funny when people die.
And after I figured that out it was so much funnier to listen to new CNN host Glenn Beck when he said, “I’m thinking about killing Michael Moore.” You see that is comedy folks. It’s not that the guy telling the jokes isn’t funny, it’s that you just don’t “get it.” You see, in a Republican World, It’s funny when people die.
So armed with my new found understanding of what Republicans consider funny, I’ve decided to try my hand at writing jokes like them. Here we go:
I’d rather go hunting with Dick Cheney, than ride in a car with Laura Bush. You see why it’s funny? Laura Bush killed a guy in a car accident when she was 17. It’s funny when people die.
I’d rather go hunting with Dick Cheney, than be an intern for Joe Scarborough. Joe’s intern died mysteriously in his office in 2001. It’s funny when people die.
I’d rather go hunting with Dick Cheney, than be a U.S. soldier in Iraq. Ha, Ha, Ha. It's funny because 2,200+ soldiers have died in Iraq. Now there’s Republican Humor on a grand scale. It's funny when people die.
I’d rather go hunting with Dick Cheney, than be a coal miner during the Bush Administration. You see why it’s funny? It’s funny because Bush cut enforcement of mine safety regulations and appointed people to investigate violations who think corporate profits are more important than mine safety. And coal miners died. You see, it’s funny when people die.
I’d rather go hunting with Dick Cheney, than be a poor person in New Orleans during a Hurricane with George Bush as President. Again, with Bush appointing political hacks to important government positions instead of competent people with experience, people died. Again, it’s funny when people die.
You see, armed with my new found understanding of Right Wing Humor, I can now laugh it off when Ann Coulter says, “When contemplating college liberals, you really regret once again that John Walker is not getting the death penalty,” Coulter said in an address to the Conservative Political Action Conference (CPAC). “We need to execute people like John Walker in order to physically intimidate liberals, by making them realize that they can be killed too. Otherwise they will turn out to be outright traitors.” You see, it’s funny when people die.
According to the Talebangelicals, the moment a human sperm fertilizes a human egg, the result is a person. And killing that "person" is very, very wrong. Not a laughing matter at all. That's why they blow up abortion clinics (that's funny, because people die).
One the foetus has been born, then it is funny if it dies. That's why Bush is cutting down on aid to the poverty-stricken, so that more newly-born children will die. That's why Bush is cutting child health insurance, so that more children will die.
That's the Bush administration for you - always finding ways to make us laugh...
A Liberal Dose
I am translating works by the Weimar Republic German author and critic of National Socialism Kurt Tucholsky. He has a classic piece defining what satire is allowed to do. Before I read it completely, I hesitated to translate this because his answer was "everything" and I did not want his message used in the abovementioned context.
But an exact reading of the piece shows that this is not what he is saying at all. He first goes on to lay out what satire isn't.
1) Satire does not support the status quo: ("A satire that calls for an increase in the war debt, is none.")
2) It is not satire if produced by opportunists with a hidden agenda ("Nowhere do those lacking character betray themselves quicker than here, nowhere does he show himself swifter, that tomfool without a conscience, one who attacks this today and that tomorrow.")
"fights for the sake of good"
"the right of an honest man to take the whip to his time"
"wants the world to be good"
"inflates the truth to make it clearer"
It's hard to vieled death threats and jokes about people having died fall under the above description. What you've descrbed is not humor and it is definitely not satire.
These are what some call "eliminationist" fantasies. These people are fascists who want to kill liberals. Period. They are pathological - and they vote in large numbers.
I say time to reconsider the nonviolence pledge. Somebody jokes to me about killing liberals and they will find out just how FUCKING funny it is.
Unfortunately, they apparently do not.
Anonymous above - go rent "Gandhi" - Today.
Spoken like a true Republican. So only men died that day? Oh, i forgot...in your perfect Repub Leave-it-to-Beaver world only men were working that day.
You don't like Ted Rall? Why don't you and your buddies protest his cartoons in the streets and burn down the newspapers that print them? You guys are as bad as those jokers and the Danish cartoons!
Nice try though anonymous.
In 1994, Helms created a sensation when he told broadcasters the late Rowland Evans, Jr., and Robert Novak that President Bill Clinton was "not up" to the tasks of being commander-in-chief and suggested that Clinton had "better not show up around here [Fort Bragg] without a bodyguard", on the anniversary of John F. Kennedy's assassination.
Uttering a threat against the President of the United States is a felony under 18 U.S.C. 871(a):
(a) Whoever knowingly and willfully deposits for conveyance in the mail or for a delivery from any post office or by any letter carrier any letter, paper, writing, print, missive, or document containing any threat to take the life of, to kidnap, or to inflict bodily harm upon the President of the United States, the President-elect, the Vice President or other officer next in the order of succession to the office of President of the United States, or the Vice President-elect, or knowingly and willfully otherwise makes any such threat against the President, President-elect, Vice President or other officer next in the order of succession to the office of President, or Vice President-elect, shall be fined under this title or imprisoned not more than five years, or both.
Sadly, nobody had the balls to file charges.
Shucks, he's just a good ole boy.
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