Monday, November 17, 2008



by Bill Maher

“Now, I might regret this, it’s kind of like going grocery shopping when you’re high. But here goes world. We’re Americans. We built the Golden Gate Bridge, and Hoover Damn, and Joan Rivers. We’re the only country that can look at a sandwich made of icecream and chocolate cookies covered in fudge and think… huh, you think we could fry that? And you know what… YES WE CAN! They may have 72 virgins, but we have 31 flavours. You know what our favourite burger topping is… another burger. We invented rock ‘n roll, jazz, funk, R&B and hip hop. Without our music, your iPods would be filled with ABBA, Menudo, and Men at Work. And you wouldn’t have iPods. Not only did we create the Internet, we’re the ones who filled it up with porn. Jefferson lived here, and Miles Davis, and Mark Twain, and Frank Lloyd Wright, and a lot of other people Sarah Plain never heard of. In America, strippers and Disney stars have an equal right to be named Hannah Montana. And I was freely able to make a movie saying there’s no afterlife and you could watch it while eating crap that’ll kill ya. But that’s okay, because our corn-fed high school sophomores are bigger than your soldiers, and they’re better armed. I ask you, in what other nation would they tax young people to make sure old people can afford erections. What you call football, we call soccer, and what you call war crimes, we call football. So let me just say it again, we elected a black guy. And it was because he was the best candidate, not because it was some cheap gimmick. And we should know, ‘cause we’re also the country that invented cheap gimmicks. Yes, America is like Jessica Simpson. Sometimes it’s so stupid it embarrasses you but, on the other hand, how about them titties.”

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